Mother Hen
by KadiToka-Chii
Summary: Parodical oneshot series centering around Gus and the Vexos. But Gus Said I Can!; She would never look at the angelic faces of young children the same way ever again.
1. Bubbly Threats

**Bubbly Threat**

* * *

**||Hello there… this… is KadiToka-Chii back from NaNoWriMo. Anyways, this here is… well, a series of oneshots/drabbles revolving around the darling Vexos and Gus… who, in my perception fanfiction-wise, can be viewed as a 'mother hen'. Normally this sort of trait applies to only Spectra, but hey… why not for the rest of this lovely group too? And thus, this was born. Might not last long, but… you never know… it'll be fun to write…**

**Also, since I don't really know what Vestals do during their random time, or really the kind of things they have to entertain/sustain themselves… I just… made it more Earth-y. Just for convenience.**

**Also, keep in mind that these are meant to be parodical… as in, I don't know the exact machinations of a dishwasher and what would make it… spaz.**

**||Disclaimer: I am owning no rights to Bakugan… at all. Hrm.**

**||Mainly revolving around Shadow, for he is THE comic relief that way, Lync and Mylene as just kinda _there_ to mock him, with appearances from a videogame-junkie Volt and a crashed/rabid Spectra. With Gus at the end. Because. He needs to show up.**

**||Gus did warn Shadow that his TV addiction would be used against him one day…**

* * *

"DAMMIT, I CAN'T FIND IIIIIIIIIIIT! VOLT, WHERE'S THE DAMN REMOTE?!"

The red-haired Haos brawler didn't even bother looking up from his handheld game, instead opting to answer with a noncommital grunt as he sat at one end of the couch, burly elbow hanging over the arm as his constantly-glaring eyes narrowed in on the small screen in front of him. And thus, Shadow was prompted into kicking him in the head.

To which Volt didn't respond to.

"You know what?! You all SUCK! THAT'S RIGHT! _SUCK!_" Shadow threw his hands up wildly into the air, feet stomping uselessly upon well-rumpled cushions. "ALL I WANNA DO IS WATCH SOME TV! BUT _NOOOOOOO_… THE DAMN REMOTE'S GONE MISSING AND NO ONE'S HELPING ME FIND IT!"

"… You only looked around the couch for a couple seconds," Lync pointed out from his comfortable stomach-down position on the floor as he lazily doodled in the colouring book Gus had left out for him to occupy himself with, and thus not cause any damage during his absence. At first the pink-haired boy had flat-out refused to even acknowledge the book's existence; he was, afterall, _way_ too old for such stupid things, and it was very likely that Gus was just mocking him…

… But there were a lot of funny pictures in it…

… And Gus had left him _really_ bright crayons and markers…

… There were _really_ pretty colours…

"SHUT UP, BRAT! I'VE TOTALLY BEEN LOOKING FOR IT FOR _HOURS!_"

"You mean you've sat there looking at the TV screen blankly for a few hours before realizing you weren't watching an actual _program_."

"… WELL, YOU'RE DRAWING IN A KIDDIE'S COLOURING BOOK!"

"IT HAS REALLY PRETTY PICTURES~! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS THAT GUS DIDN'T GIVE YOU ONE!"

"Shut up, you two," Mylene called out tersely from her spot beside the window, curled up in an armchair with a book held between manicured fingers. "Especially _you_, Drama Queen. You're going to wake up Spectra."

"Who cares?" Lync said loftily as Shadow took on a fully offended look at being called 'Drama Queen', but his voice had definitely gone softer as he glanced at the mess of red, black and blonde that was slumped over a computer desk, mumbling dreamily. For the last week or so, the Prince had insisted on every report being emailed to him, instead of using the videocam; apparently, little Hydron had ACTUALLY bothered to go outside to get some fresh air for a change…

And had received a nasty bite from some unknown bug in the cheek.

The Prince was very particular about his face.

"It's his own fault for having Professor Clay replicate those 'energy drinks' or something from Earth and gulping them down like he'd die if he didn't drink it at that very moment," Lync continued in a grumble, turning back to his colouring as one hand rummaged through his box of felts, oblivious to the various wax and ink stains that marked his ungloved fingers. "Didn't the Professor and Gus warn him about the aftereffects?"

"Of course they did," Mylene confirmed, flipping a page as she glanced out the window absentmindedly. The world outside was grey, streaked and distorted; rain streamed down the glass in waterfalls, continuously pounding against the roof and outside walls. Apparently, Mylene found the rain 'calming'; everyone was pretty sure it was really the doom and gloom feeling that the weather brought with it that Mylene enjoyed. "They also mentioned something about it being highly addicting… it's raining pretty hard… do you think Gus'll get back safely?"

"What?" Lync pushed himself up a bit to give Mylene an aghast look. "Don't tell me you're actually _worried_ about that lapdog?"

"What are you _talking_ about, you fool? I'm worried about the _groceries_ Gus went to get."

"… Oh~, right~… he better have remembered my chocolate…"

"HELL-_OOOO_-OOoOOooooOO?! REMEMBER _ME_ HERE?!" Shadow did another little jig on the couch for good measure, tongue flapping against his chin loosely. "I _really_ need that remote! My show's gonna come on soon!"

"That home decoration show?" Lync said snidely, already back to his colouring book as Shadow went red, ignoring the jab.

"Shouldn't you be able to just go up to the TV and push some buttons to turn it on?" Volt mumbled, thumb pounding down sharply on a button.

"Don't be _stupid_, Volt! That's just a _myth!_"

Mylene _could_ have mentioned that such a thing wasn't as mythical as Shadow had been led to believe… but she was getting to a good part in the book…

"WAIT A MINUTE! I KNOW WHERE IT IS!" With a triumphant grin, Shadow leapt dramatically from the couch, landing not-so-dramatically on his chin. However, he recovered quick enough; with no care for his now-bruised jaw, the silver-haired teen was marching proudly towards the archway leading out into the hall outside of the recreation room they were all currently relaxing in. "I LEFT IT IN THE KITCHEN!"

"… Why did you have it in the kitch…?"

"Didja think I was gonna leave it in _here_ for someone else to steal?! I ain't _stupid!_" Shadow answered Mylene's unfinished question, lifting his nose up in the air smugly as he continued on his journey…

"Kitchen's _left_ down the hallway, not right," Lync reminded him loudly as Shadow disappeared through the exit. There was a moment of silence, then some hasty shuffling as he changed direction.

* * *

**||Approximately Three Minutes Later…**

* * *

"THERE'S A BOMB IN THE KITCHEN!"

"…"

"REALLY, GUYS!"

"… Yeah," Lync said distractedly, the tip of his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he laboriously stroked his crayon down the page, adding in the last touch. "Bomb… I'm so terrified…"

"I'M BEING _SERIOUS_!" Shadow whined, flapping his arms. "I WAS LOOKING FOR THE REMOTE, AND THEN I HEARD A BEEPING SOUND! IT'S A BOMB, I JUST KNOW IT!"

"Yeah yeah…"

"Maybe it really is a bomb," Volt muttered absentmindedly, eyes still glued to the videogame. "Did you actually see it?"

"Don't encourage him," Mylene hissed as Shadow took on an alien look of legit _thought_. "You're just making it worse…"

"I DID! I DID SEE IT! IT WAS THIS GIANT CUBE THINGY UNDER THE… FLAT SURFACE THING!"

"… Do you mean the _counter?_" Lync prompted, looking up from his colouring book with a mischievious twinkle in his eyes.

"… YEAH! THAT THING! THERE WAS THIS GIANT CUBE UNDER THE COUNTER, AND IT WAS MAKING THE BEEPING SOUNDS, AND _IT'S A BOMB_!"

"…"

"COME ON, COME SEE! MYLEEEEEENE!"

"Don't drag me into this," she snapped as Shadow bounded towards her, tugging at her arm hopefully. "_No_. Go make someone else deal with it…"

"BUT IT'S A _BOMB_!"

"I DON'T CARE."

"You know he's just going to keep whining, right?" Lync said, hopping to his feet with a huge grin on his face. "Heh, _I'll_ go investigate the bomb!"

"… You're really willing to sacrifice what sanity you have left to go on a crazy bomb hunt with Shadow?" Volt asked, eyes flickering away from the screen for a split second. "Just to get him to shut up?"

"Hey, you never know… might be interesting," Lync replied with a smirk, swiftly side-stepping a gleefully barrelling Shadow. "No tackling… WE HAVE BOMBS TO INVESTIGATE!"

"SEE MYLENE?! SOMEONE BELIEVES ME!" Shadow crowed as the two dashed out of the room, leaving an echoing, ominous silence in their wake.

So very echo-y…

So very ominous…

"… I don't trust them," Mylene muttered, setting down her book. "I'm going too…"

"Have fun with that… NO! DAMN YOU, ALIENS! DIE ALREADY!"

* * *

**||In The Kitchen… **

* * *

"SEE, THIS IS IT! _THIS IS IT!_"

"… Shadow, that's the dishwasher."

"Eh?" Shadow glanced up at Mylene irritably, he and Lync crouched in front of the 'giant cube-thingy under the flat surface thing'. "What are you talking about? It beeped, it has to be a bomb!"

"… No Shadow. It's a dishwasher."

"… WELL, WHAT IS IT?! WHAT DOES IT DO?! WHY WAS IT BEEPING LIKE A BOMB?!"

"You idiot. It does exactly as the name implies. You stick dishes in it, and it washes them. The beeping probably means that it was done."

"Ohh…" Shadow's face brightened for a moment, a victorious grin on his face. "I get it! It's one of those home-cleaning-servant-y type stuff that you'd know all about!"

"Oooooooooh…" Lync was now also looking up, his mouth forming a perfectly enthralled 'O' shape as Mylene narrowed her eyes into predatory slits towards a blinking Shadow. The pink-haired boy unconsciously shrunk a bit into his cloak as the temperature in the room dropped considerably.

"And why, Shadow… would you think that I would know all about this 'stuff'?"

"Cuz you're a _girl!_ Duh!"

_WHAP_.

"You _pig_," Mylene spat out spitefully as Shadow moaned, spread-eagled on the ground with a throbbing lump rising on his forehead. "You sexist _jerk_. For your interest, I have never before actually _worked_ with one of these things. I'm just not an ignorant simpleton like _you_."

"*-* S-sorry… owie~…"

"Well… do we… do anything about it?" Lync asked, tearing his attention away from the twitching Shadow, poking the 'dishwasher' experimentally. "Does it put the dishes away too? Or is there another machine for that?"

"No… I believe that the dishes must be put away manually."

"O.O NO WAY, REALLY?! Wow… there's servants for that stuff, right?"

"… I would think so…"

"_What are you all doing?_"

The voice was a soft, dangerous growl, colder and more quietly furious than anything even Mylene could manage. The three stiffened, carefully looking towards the kitchen doorframe where a certain blonde teen stood, mask askew and feathered jacket disheveled.

"Spectra…" Mylene blanched as Shadow hurriedly picked himself off the floor and Lync shifted behind the Aquos Brawler. Normally, the appearance of their 'mighty leader' wouldn't be such of a bother… but there was something… utterly terrifying about him at this moment… "It… you see, Shadow had…"

"Energy drink." Apparently, Spectra really didn't give a crap as to why exactly they were there as he stared at them all expectantly… with his teeth bared, like some sort of rabid dog.

… Oh god, he was becoming feral… the energy drinks were turning him into a feral _beast_…

"If you're just going to stand there and gawp like idiots, I'll just get it _myself!_" Spectra suddenly snarled, striding into the kitchen with rapid steps and shoving his frozen subordinates to the side as he beelined for the refrigerator.

"…" The three just shared a _look_… looks that suggested they run for it now, while there was still time…

"WHAT IS THIS?!" It was too late; before they could even turn towards the doorway, Spectra was whirling back around on them, a fragile piece of paper being shaken and crumpled ruthlessly in his furious grip. "WHY WAS THIS ON THE FRIDGE?!"

"…" They just stared back with wide eyes as Spectra let out a strangled groan, stomping forward and shoving it into Mylene's hand.

"READ!"

"…" Deciding it would be best for her health and the surrounding landscape if she just did as he said, Mylene looked down at the paper, with Shadow leaning over her shoulder and Lync stretching up on his tiptoes to read what it said.

"_Dear Master Spectra and those random idiots I am forced to work with… first off, it is my deepest regret to say that Professor Clay had to confiscate all of the 'drinks of energy'. Apparently, they have the side effect of turning someone into a rabid beast, and he needs to rectify this and work up a cure before Master Spectra is allowed any more. _

_Also, if those random idiots that I am forced to work with just so happen to read this, can you please unload and load the dishwasher while I'm gone? That'd be a great help… if you don't, you'll never see the TV remote again_."

"… Hey, what's that?" Lync asked blankly, pointing at an elegant swirl of curves and lines at the bottom of the page. Mylene scrutinized it for a moment.

"… I think that would be two Gs… as in Gus Grav… it's his signature."

"… He has a really girly signature."

"That he does…"

"WHAT IS THIS?!" Shadow grabbed the letter away from Mylene, staring at last line with pure horror etched into his usually smug face. "HE STOLE MY TV REMOTE?! HE STOLE MY TV REMOTE! THAT JERK, I'M GOING TO DESTROY HIM NEXT TIME I SEE HIM! HE… he stole… my TV remote… my poor baby… ;_;…"

"You're worried about your _remote?!_" Spectra snarled, giving Shadow his most contemptuous look as he snatched away the letter, crumpling it completely into a ball with a quick flinch of his fist. "HE ALLOWED FOR THE CONFISCATION OF MY ENERGY DRINKS! HE'S _BETRAYED_ ME!"

"… I'm sure he had your best interests at heart," Mylene suggested weakly, already knowing her comment had fallen on deaf ears… properly accentuated by the fact Spectra had already swept out of the room without so much as a backwards glance, his departure marked by echoing raves and shouts. Poor Gus… he really only deserved half of the fate he had coming to him…

"… BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND! THAT WEASEL HAS MY TV REMOTE!" Shadow kicked the ground in his self-righteous fury, long-nailed fingers curling into fists. "WE GOTTA GET IT BACK! FIRST, WE HUNT HIM DOWN AND BEAT HIM UP TILL HE GIVES IT UP!"

"Great idea," Lync said, his voice brightly fake. "You know where to find the grocery store?"

"… What the hell's a _grocery store?_"

"… Mylene, do you know where the grocery store is?"  
"Why do you think I'd know? Are you trying to insinuate that _because I'm a girl_, I'd know where it is?!"

"Geez, do you really think I'm stupid enough like Shadow to say something like _that?_ Spaz…"

_Whap_.

"OWW~!"

"Actually, I think you're all fairly stupid…"

"HEY! HEY!" Shadow snapped his fingers impatiently, bringing the attention back over to him. "If no one knows where the grocery store is, how are we supposed to hunt Gus down and beat him up?! I WANT TO WATCH MY DAMN TELEVISION---!!"

"… You could always just unload the dishwasher like Gus asked," Mylene suggested calmly as Lync continued to rub his head resentfully. "I don't really think it's that difficult a task…"

"NO!" Shadow crossed his arms childishly, pursing his lips and shooting the dishwasher a vicious glare. "That kinda stuff is for servants! Why is he asking us to do it when he could get servants to do it?!"

"… We _do_ have servants, right?" Lync asked, his hand falling away from his head as he took on a contemplative look. "Cause you know… I don't think I ever actually see them around… it's just… stuff are dirty… and then the next day they're clean…"

"… Maybe they're ghost servants," Shadow offered, red eyes lighting up with the idea. "Maybe a buncha servants died here a long time ago, and now they have nothing better to do than continue cleaning in the afterlife! That'd be AWESOME!"

"I highly doubt that's the case," Mylene said dryly. "Perhaps the servants just understand that they are not worthy to be seen by our elite eyes…"

"AHA! SO YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THEM EITHER!"

"You know what," Lync said, already turning for the doorway. "I'm gonna ask Volt. He'll know…"

* * *

**||A Few Minutes Later In The Recreation Room…**

* * *

"HEYY, VOLT~!"

"… Hn… nearly out of ammo…"

"DO YOU KNOW IF OUR SERVANTS ARE ALIVE, OR IF THEY'RE GHOSTS THAT HAUNT THIS PLACE AND HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN CLEAN?!"

"… Yeah. Oh… health orbs… good…"

"IS THAT A YEAH TO THEM BEING ALIVE, OR THEM BEING GHOSTS THAT HAUNT THIS PLACE AND HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN CLEAN?!"

"… Alive… dammit, where's a Gamma Sniper when you need one… ?"

"SERIOUSLY?! OUR SERVANTS ARE ALIVE?! BUT WE NEVER SEE THEM!"

"Servant… singular… there we go, there's a Sniper…"

"O.O WE ONLY HAVE ONE SERVANT?! NO WAY! WHO?!"

"… Gus."

"… Ohh… that actually explains quite a lot…"

"AHA! TAKE THAT, YOU DAMN MUTANT! I BLEW YOUR HEAD OFF! BLEW! YOUR! HEAD OFF! PWNED!"

* * *

**||Back In The Kitchen…**

* * *

"I FOUND OUT THAT GUS IS THE SERVANT! ISN'T THAT FUNNY?!"

"… Seriously?" Shadow asked blankly, perking up a bit from his lax position laying across the counter. "… He has nothing better to do than to clean and train? Doesn't he have a social life?"

"Shadow," Mylene spoke up, searching idly through the fridge, "this is Gus."

"… Right… he really needs to get a girlfriend or something…"

"But then who will do the cleaning?"

"His girlfriend of course."

And that was how Shadow learned that flying jars of pickles flying straight at his head wasn't quite as fun as it had been in his dreams.

"So…" Lync didn't bother with holding back a smirk as a surly Shadow tried to nurse the big black bruise forming on his forehead while simultaneously patting his face down clumsily with a wet cloth in an attempt to clean away the pickle juice dripping onto the counter, as Lync eyed the floor for any remaining shards of glass. "… What are you going to do now about the remote? Seems to me like your only choice is to either go through life without TV, or do the dishwasher…"

"…" Shadow glanced up hopefully, treating his two teammates with a wide grin. "HEY, BEST FRIENDS! YOU WANNA---!!"

He was answered with a perfectly unified, "No."

"… Well then… I'LL GO ASK VOLT! HE'S NICE, HE'LL DO IT FOR ME!"

* * *

**||Back In The Recreation Room…**

* * *

"HEY VOLT, MY MAIN MAN, THE COOLEST GUY IN THE WORLD! WANNA UNLOAD THE BOMB FOR ME?!"

"… Bomb?"

"YEAH, THE BOMB! THE THING WITH THE DISHES IN IT AND IT CLEANS THE DISHES AND THEN IT BEEPS LIKE A BOMB TO SHOW IT'S DONE! YOU WANNA UNLOAD IT FOR ME?!"

"… No."

"!! WHY NOOOOOOOOOT?!"

"I'm busy killing stuff."

"… YOU HAVE NO HONOUR! I HATE YOU AAAAAAAAALL!"

"…"

* * *

**||Once Again Back In The Kitchen…**

* * *

"So Volt won't unload the bomb for me," Shadow said miserably as he shuffled towards the table, taking a seat and slouching in his chair. "He's too busy murdering pixelated creatures to care about my _pain_…"

"Just do it yourself, you idiot," Mylene said idly, sitting across from with her head buried in her book… which had magically reappeared out of nowhere. "If you want to watch TV _that_ much…"

"But that's exactly what Gus wants," Shadow growled, hands curling into his palm. "And if he thinks I'm going to give him the satisfaction of doing EXACTLY what he wants…!"

"Fine then," Lync said brightly. He sat cross-legged on the counter, cheerfully tapping the granite top with a mischievous grin. "I'm sure there are other stuff you can do besides TV! You can take a walk, get some exercise, do some schoolwork…"

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU OPEN THIS THING?!"

"…" Mylene glanced over at Lync as Shadow distracted himself with trying to work out the latch to open the dishwasher. "How much did Gus pay you?"  
"Three bags of Skittles and a Ring Pop, directly from Earth~!"

"… Crafty…"

"OOOOOWWW---!!" Shadow suddenly bounced away on one leg from the appliance, the door of which had just popped open, clutching his right knee. "MYLEEEEEEEENE! THE BOMB'S TRYING TO PICK A FIGHT WITH ME!"

"Oh for god's sake, it is NOT a bomb, and just GET IT DONE WITH!"

"… Yes ma'am," Shadow mumbled, giving the dishwasher his most evil glare as he turned back to it, flexing his fingers. "Okay, bom… dishwasher, you're going dooooowwwwwn… hey… how exactly _do_ I unload it?"

"…" Mylene heavily considered throwing another jar of pickles at him… or maybe this time a bottle of mustard. But the moment soon… half-passed. "You take a dish out of it…"

"… Okay…" Biting his lip, Shadow looked closely at the assembly of dishes arrayed neatly within, carefully selecting a plate. "… Now what?"

"You find what cupboard it belongs to… and you put it in the cupboard."

"… What cupboard?"

"Just look through them all until you find one that has plates in it, you dolt."

"… But that sounds like so much wor … STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME WITH THAT LOOK! FINE, FINE, I'LL JUST LOOK THROUGH THE DAMN CUPBOARDS! STOP PESTERING MEEEEEE---!!"

"… You really have him whipped, huh?" Lync asked as Shadow hopped from cupboard to cupboard, bounding off the counter to stand by the table so that he wouldn't be caught up in the plate-hunting frenzy.

"I do what I can."

"I FOUND IT!" Shadow declared proudly, looking happily into one of the cupboards as its doors swung at the side, almost completely detached from their hinges. With a cackle, Shadow tossed in his plate; Mylene and Lync stiffened when they heard the unmistakeable sounds of shattering. "MAN, THIS IS EASY! I'LL HAVE THIS DONE IN NO TIME!"

"… Good for you." Mylene could only shake her head sadly as a much more enthusiastic Shadow rushed back to the dishwasher and the dishes that waited to face the same fate as that poor plate. And without another word, she stood up and walked out. She would never be able to read her book peacefully in here… what with all the crashing…

Lync, on the other hand, decided that the sheer entertainment of this situation was completely worth it.

The next few minutes passed by surprisingly uneventfully; besides two other cupboards finding themselves doorless, many fragments of platters and bowls being scattered along the counters and in cabinets and many yells, trips, and a nice big dent in the front of the dishwasher, there was really very little for Lync to laugh at. However, he was happy with what was given to him.

And then, finally… "I'M DONE~!"

Lync slumped a little as Shadow pumped a fist in the air, jumping up and down excitedly. There went his entertainment for the day… and then suddenly, he straightened up again. "Good! Now you can get to _loading_ the dishwasher~!"

Shadow's grin slipped as he went still, giving Lync his most deadpan stare. "… Eh?"

"Loading it," Lync said cheerfully, pointing towards the previously ignored sink and the various dishes piled high within it. "You know, the _opposite_ of unloading? You put the dishes _in_ the dishwasher? So that they can get cleaned and you can get your remote back?"

"… Did he seriously ask me to _load_ it?"

"^^ Yep~!" In all honesty, he couldn't remember… the details of the letter were rather blurred by the terrifying thought of Spectra ripping their throats out… but this couldn't hurt anyone.

"… So I just stick the dishes in here?"

"… I think so."

"… Fine then." And with that, Shadow turned to the sink… piled as many dishes as he could into his arms… turned around… and dumped them into the waiting dishwasher, cackling a bit. "Heh, this is easy too… don't see why Gus is always making a big deal out of it…"

"I don't think… Gus has ever made a big deal of it, though," Lync mused as Shadow went back for another armful of dirty dishes. "I've never actually heard Gus complain about chores…"

"I bet he totally does. We just… don't… hear him… THERE! THAT'S ALL OF THEM!" Back straightening, Shadow leered proudly down at the jumble of dishes heaped tumultuously in the dishwasher, clapping his hands together. After a few seconds, his smirk shifted into a frown. "… Why isn't it doing anything?"

"What? Did you expect it to do fancy dishwasher tricks?"

"NO! … Well, kinda… well, when does it start cleaning and junk?! It's just… SITTING there! Doing NOTHING! Is it broken?!"

"… Maybe you have to push some buttons…"

"WHAT BUTTONS?!"

"Well…" Tapping his finger to his chin, Lync drifted over to stand beside his colleague, looking ponderous. "I'm sure there would be some instructions or something somewhere… you never know… lemme see…" The pink-haired boy ducked down and yanked open the cupboard beneath the sink, his face brightening up. "Hey look, see!"

"Instructions?!"

"Uh… I think so…" With a small grunt, Lync tugged out a plastic container with a neat little note taped on top. Gingerly, he peeled the note away, looking it over as Shadow bent down to his level hopefully.

"_Dear random idiots I am forced to work with; I do hope you manage to find this. If you haven't, then my opinion of you all will likely lower a considerable amount… as in, lower than it already is. Anyways, this box is full of DISH SOAP. The DISH SOAP goes IN the TWO LITTLE COMPARTMENTS ON THE INSIDE OF THE DISHWASHER DOOR. You only need ONE CUP OF SOAP FOR EACH CONTAINER. You must use the cup THAT'S ALREADY IN THE BOX. The container WITH THE LITTLE COVER DOES NEED TO BE CLOSED WHEN YOU PUT THE SINGLE CUP OF SOAP IN IT. If you manage that, then you must CLOSE the dishwasher, make sure it is TIGHTLY closed, and then press the START BUTTON. THE BIG SHINY BUTTON THAT SAYS START._

_AND THEN YOU ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED NEAR IT."_

"Look," Lync sniggered, pointing at the bottom of the page. "It's the two girly Gs again… eh heh, his writing's so _pretty_…"

"Dish soap?" Shadow asked dully, frowning. "… What the hell is dish soap?"

"… _Well_," Lync began, quirking an eyebrow at the Darkus Brawler, "I'd guess it's soap for dishes."

"Well, WHAT THE HELL IS SOAP?!"

"…" Lync could think of no coherent answer to that as he scooted away from the other boy carefully. "… Well then… have fun…"

"Ehh?!" Shadow looked up desperately as Lync clambered up onto the counter, whistling and cackling. "You aren't gonna help?!"

"Hey, I already found the instructions. I've done my share."

"… You suck," Shadow muttered rebelliously, turning back to the dishwasher with a pout on his face. "Okay then… I can't find the compartment thingies…"

"That's because you still have the rack out. You'll probably need to push that in…"

Pulling a face, Shadow shoved hard at the dish rack sullenly, pushing with all his might; it slowly grated its way back in, despite quite a few bowls and plates tumbling out through the sides, which were simply tossed back inside. "There! It's in… AHA! I HAVE FOUND WHERE TO PUT THE SOAP! VICTORY TO ME!"

"… Good for you," Lync said as Shadow jerked open the lid to the dish soap container, plunging his hand in and pulling it back out with a tiny measuring cup in its grip, overspilling with blue-grey granules that smelled vaguely of… lemon~. The soap was immediately dumped into the dishwasher… with absolutely no regards for the container boundaries.

Shadow wrinkled his nose as he looked at the little heap of soap. "… It doesn't look like enough… I'm gonna put more in…"

"… But in the instructions Gus SPECIFICALLY said a single cup for each container-thingy…"

"WELL GUS IS AN IDIOT, I SAY! IT NEEDS MORE!"

"… Okay then," Lync shrugged as Shadow proceeded to pick up the container and shake it, grinning gleefully as a torrent of soap flooded through the small opening. "… Whatever you say."

"Damn right whatever I say! What I say GOE… NU!! I RAN OUT OF THIS SOAPY STUFF!! IT'S STILL NOT ENOUGH!!"

"… I think it is…"

"NO IT ISN'T!!"

"… Yes it is. Where are you gonna get more, anyways?"

"… Fine then! It's enough, geez!!"

Lync smirked as Shadow crankily slammed the door forcefully, stepping back a bit to glare at it impatiently.

"… IT'S STILL NOT DOING ANYTHIIIIIINNNNNG---!!"

"That's because you still have to push the start button."

"… Shut yer mouth, you stupid little smartypants." Resentfully, Shadow leaned in closer to the row of gleaming platinum buttons, wrinkling his nose as he examined them. "And… the start button is… the one that says start…"

"Oh my god, did you just figure that out all by yourself~?!"

Shadow just growled as he jabbed the button roughly, quickly stepping back as it whirred into life. His brow furrowed more as the machine began to shake and rumble threateningly, taking another cautious step back. "… Is it supposed to sound scary?"

Lync went very, _very_ still, eyeing the appliance with just as much apprehension. "… Well… it _is_ being forced to clean… anyone would probably be scary when they're being forced to clean… OH MY GOD IT'S FROTHING!! THE DISHWASHER HAS RABIES!!"

"HOLY CRAP!!" Shadow's eyes widened as the first few dribbles of foam squeezed through around the doorway, slowly building up and slipping down to the floor as the dishwasher convulsed violently, horrible grating sounds screeching within. "IT'S ALIVE!! IT'S ALIVE!! HOLY CRAP, IT'S GONNA EXPLODE!! I WAS RIGHT, IT IS A BOMB!!"

"No, it's the spirits of those ghost servants!!" Lync squeaked, scrambling up onto the tabletop as Shadow bolted towards him, following suit. "Volt lied to meee---!! They're probably all possessing the dishwasher and are really mad at uuuuuuus---!! THEY'RE GOING TO EAT OUR BRAINS!!"

"… OH MY GOD THAT THEORY ACTUALLY MAKES MORE SENSE THAN MINE!!" Shadow took in a deep breath as more bubbles pooled onto the floor around the practically-roaring machine. "… There's… there's only one thing we can do…"

* * *

**||With Mylene And Volt In The Living Room…**

* * *

Mylene snapped her book shut as high-pitched wails drifted from the kitchen, a snarl already curling her lips. "What are those idiots _yelling_ about?! Honestly, is it so hard to get a moment of peace around here?!"

"Yes," Volt answered curtly, fingers stabbing down on the handheld game's buttons viciously. Mylene just shot him a vicious glare, already striding furiously towards the doorway.

"I'm going to go get them to shut up…"

"May someone up there have mercy on their souls," Volt muttered as she disappeared around the corner.

Her heels clicked smartly across the tiled floor as Mylene marched down the hall, a scowl twisting her features. There were already a million insults lectures going through her head; such a simplisitic task didn't require any sort of primal screaming, surely they were past those idiotic evolutionary stages… or she could comment on how ridiculously girly their shrieking sounded…

… Or she could ask about the trails of strangely shiny water leaking out from the doorway to the kitchen…

Carefully sidestepping the puddles, Mylene peered into the kitchen… only to deadpan at the mountian of suds clustered around what looked like the open door of the dishwasher; Shadow's head was bobbing barely above the surface of the bubbles, his arms waving around wildly. To his side, a tiny hand grasped desperately at the air from under the oppressive block of foam.

"MYLEEEEEEENE!" Shadow cried out in relief as she continued to stare blankly at the scene. "THE SPIRITS OF THE DEAD SERVANTS DIDN'T WANT TO BE RELEASED!! MYLENE, SAVE ME!! DON'T SAVE LYNC, HE'S TOO FAR GONE!"

"…"

"ST… STOP STANDING THERE!! WE NEED YOUR HELP!! PLEEEEAAAAASE!!"

"…"

"What's with all the yelling?! Shadow, don't tell me you screwed something up!!" Mylene didn't move an inch as a thankfully familiar voice rang down the hall; she could hear Gus stumbling hurriedly down the corridor, and soon his presence was at her side.

Also deadpanning at the absurb scene.

"GUUUUUUUSS!!" Shadow turned his pleads towards the blue-haired brawler, who stood beside Mylene with his arms weighed down by a collection of heavily filled plastic bags. "IT WAS THE GHOSTS!! THE GHOSTS!! THEY'RE EVIL, I TELL YOU!! EVIIIIIIL!! SAVE MEEEEEE!!"

"… Oh my god…" With a groan, Gus set the groceries down, wading through the water and soap bubbles carefully towards the two. One hand grabbed at the elbow of Shadow's right arm, the other plunging into the soaps and yanking up a gasping and sodden Lync by the collar. Grunting, he dragged them away from the source of the bubbles until they were thrown down by Mylene's feet. She instantly stepped back, wrinkling her nose at the sight of her soapy and wet colleagues.

"Since you managed to get so much _soap_," Gus spat as Shadow and Lync heaved in great gulps of air in relief, green eyes narrowing, "that you read those instructions?"

"Of course we did," Shadow muttered, pushing himself into sitting position and giving Gus an indignant look. "You think we're stupid?!"

"How much soap did you put in?"

"… IT WAS LYNC'S IDEA TO PUT IN THE WHOLE BOX!!"

"Whaa…?" The pink-haired child in question looked up at Gus balefully, whimpering. "He's the idiot who put in the whole box!! None of this was my fault, I just went through a traumatic experience!!"

"Did you two stay near it?"

"…" The two guilty Vexos glanced at each other. "… It was making scary noises… we thought we had to release the ghosts of the dead servants…"

"…"

"Heyy," Shadow said, giving Gus a hopefuly look, "I did load and unload the piece of junk… can I have my remote back now…?"

"NO TV FOR A MONTH UNTIL YOU CAN PAY FOR A NEW DISHWASHER."

"… But… but… but… you have to give me some credit for actually DOING the damn chore!!"

"Two months for talking back."

"… YOU SUCK!!"

"Three."

* * *

**||Well, I absolutely fail at ending parody fics… I truly do… anyways, hope you managed to find some enjoyment in that. It was originally going to be much different… the other ones of this series aren't going to be nearly as long…**


	2. But Gus Said I Can!

**But Gus Said I Can!**

* * *

**||Bwaha~! The second little crack!oneshot of this… thing. This time, more focused around the cute little bundle of innocence and sugar we know as Lync. And temperamental, horribly irate Alice… she actually shocked me during this **_**wreck**_** of a mini-arc!! I thought Alice would be a bit more SYMPATHETIC and PATIENT and COMPASSIONATE for little Lync!! But nooooooo… she goes and bitchslaps him!!**

**CHILD ABUSE!!**

**HORRIBLE!!**

… **The writers screwed Alice up. Just because Lync is a BIT of a massive brat…**

**||I do not own Bakugan.**

**||Lync, a superhorrifyinglyextremely OOC Alice, Julie and Gus. Brief mention of Shun, Spectra and Mylene.**

**||She would never look at the angelic faces of young children the same way ever again.**

* * *

Now, when Alice had oh-so-graciously allowed poor little Lync into her home, she didn't really have any high expectations in terms of his behaviour. He _was_, after all, a nasty Vexos boy. But despite such a pessimistic view, she was still shocked when she walked into the living room the afternoon following his arrival.

His bushy head of hair swiveled around, turquoise eyes blinking (in that strange way that could be easily mistaken as _sinless_) at the gaping redhead frozen in the doorway. The tip of his marker was still poised on the wall, splots of the bright red ink scattered around messy scrawls of dark green and blotches of black, with two _X's_ and a pink semi-circle slapped onto a crooked peach-coloured oval. A drawing of what looked like a giant foot was stamped mercilessly on top of this 'picture', leading up to a representation of a large, verdant-caped figure with heavy scribbles of pink on top, the words 'HA HA LOZER' written smugly in rough, bolded letters by what she had to assume was the 'head'.

"Lync… what is this?"

The boy's face fell; clearly, he had put a lot of effort into this 'masterpiece'. "What are you, stupid? It's so _obvious!_ It's me squishing Shun under my foot!"

"A-ah…" Alice felt the insane urge to throw something at the infuriating child. Tragic, really; she normally adored little kiddies. "And why did you decide to draw it… on our wall? I don't know what you do on Vestal, but here on Earth, you're supposed to draw on _paper_." Granted, this was a custom that many young children ignored, but surely Lync was old enough to –

"So?" Lync shot back haughtily, turning up his nose as he returned to meticulously applying more droplets of crimson around Shun's flattened shape. "Gus says I can draw on walls."

"But I…"

"I SAID GUS SAID I CAN DRAW ON WALLS. _Ha_."

"… Okay…"

Lync turned around again, giving her an imperious glare. "If you doubt me, you can ask him _yourself_."

"But I can't…"

"Too bad for you, then~!" And back to the drawing he gooooeeees…

* * *

"Spectra and Gus are still on Earth?"

The image of Julie on the computer screen nodded knowingly, a silly little grin on her face as she brought a finger to her lips. "Shh, don't spread it around too much~. Mira doesn't think it's a good idea for Lync to know, in case they all, like, try to hook up or something."

"Julie, can you do me a favour?"

The Australian nodded her head vigorously. "Of course I can, silly~! What are friends for~? Like, what is it?"

"If you run into Gus again, could you somehow get him to contact me?"

Enthusiasm melted quickly into bafflement at Alice's grim expression. Julie tilted her side curiously. "Like… why?"

"I just need to ask him something about Lync…"

* * *

The next day when Alice walked into the living room, she expected to be greeted only by Lync's grotesque work of 'art' (no matter how many times Alice had tried to approach it with some cleaner to see if it would be possible to salvage the wall, the Vexos boy would mysteriously appear to intervene, whining until she was forced to retreat).

The fuzzy and many-legged ball of _black_ landing on her shoulder was not quite as expected.

"GAH!" With a squeak, Alice lurched away, the sounds of maniacal giggling attacking her as she whirled around in time to see the boy dropping lightly to the ground, bouncing the spider self-satisfiedly on a white cord. "Lync! D-don't do that, you nearly gave me a heart attack! And – and you don't do whatever you did to climb up onto the wall!"

"Not my fault you're such _a sissy~_. Besides, Gus lets me do stuff like this, _whenever_ I want."

"S-Still…" Alice took in a shuddering breath, trying to calm her fluttering heart. "Where did you get that toy anyways?"

"I found it in that goofy scientist's lab…" Lync's expression went blank as Alice blanched, her chestnut eyes trained on the spindly leg that twitched and the mandibles that clicked. "And it's not a _toy_…"

* * *

"Alice, are you okay?"

She nodded her head jerkily, copper curls flailing around her pale, thin-lipped face. "Fine, great, dandy… have you had any luck in finding Gus?"

Apparently satisfied with Alice's shaky answer, Julie began fiddling with a lock of hair, letting it curl around her finger. "Nope~. Not a sign of him or Spectra~."

"Julie? Could you please _try_ to find him at least? Please?"

"… Okay."

* * *

"Hey, you didn't really strike me as the type to use so much makeup~."

The bathroom door bounced lightly off the wall as Alice gazed in horror at the new scene she was presented with, Lync's careless greeting lost to her ears. Now was not the time to correct him on the fact that most of what he was playing with now had been left behind by Julie in sleepovers past. "What –"

"I'm making a super-special-awesome-colourful-concoction-of-epic-entertainment." To prove his point, he shook the upside-down vial of nail polish, letting goopy strands of shimmery pink dribble out the few centimeters it took to reach the contents of the sink –

– truly _horrific_ contents of murky pinks, reds, oranges, browns, purples, and so many other colours; swirls of other various polishes, chopped-up clods of lipstick, black gobs of what was likely mascara, half-melted lumps of different hair creams, all bobbing in a shallow pool of water and carefully topped with layers of blush and eyeshadow powder. Containers, edges coated messily with their former contents, lay discarded along a well-stained counter.

"Isn't it _awesome?!_"

"Lync, _no_." Gathering up her wits, Alice took a firm step forward, reaching for the little bottle; Lync shirked back, pouting and snarling as he hugged the nail polish close. "You don't play with this stuff…"

"GUS LETS ME! BACK AWAY, WOMAN, I'LL BITE YOU!"

"Lync, stop being ridiculous! I expect you to clean this u–"

* * *

"Al~ice! What happened to your hand?!"

"It's nothing, nothing," Alice said chipperly, a forced smile on her face as she cradled her right hand, ringed with teeth marks, gingerly in the other. "How's it going with the Gus hunt?"

"Um… not good."

"That's too bad. Because I'd really like to ask him something. In fact, I desperately need to ask him something. So please, _please_ do try to find him for me."

"I'll do my best~!"

* * *

"LYNC, NO!"

Lync placed his hands on his hips as he smirked down at the frantic girl fluttering on the ground below, swaying teasingly at the edge of the roof as the chilly wind nipped at his ears and cape. "Aaaa~lice~, are you gonna stop my dreams of being a master bunjee jumper~?"

"Please!" Alice hovered from foot to foot anxiously, eyeing the cord that dangled over the edge, just a faded colour between the knots around Lync's ankle and the stake he had forced in between cracked shingles. "You're going to get hurt!! Just come down, please…"

"Okay~!" Alice paled as Lync bent his knees, his eyes sparkling and laughing.

"Not that way---!!"

Too late; his cape rustling with the sudden rush of air, Lync took the leap.

* * *

"Alice! You're, like, a total mess!"

The Russian girl smiled blandly as she always did, rubbing the scraped heels of her hands against her scruffed skirt. "Sorry, I was just repairing the roof."

Julie blinked, bemused, before deciding not to ask. "Well, thought I should let you know I haven't found Gus yet –" Alice's hands went stone-still, and Julie found herself shrinking away from the other girl's incredulously desperate gaze. "– but I have a lead! I do!"

Alice stared at her evenly for a few more seconds –

– and before she could speak, she was interrupted by a gurgling roar and a terrifyingly delighted shriek from outside the room. "Alice! Your dishwasher is possessed too!"

"… I have to go."

* * *

"Oooow… Alice, that hurts!"

"Then maybe," Alice said wearily, grabbing Lync by the shoulder roughly as he tried to wiggle away so that she could dab the hydrogen peroxide-soaked cotton ball over the gash on his cheek, "you shouldn't pick fights with stray cats."

"It was looking at me funny – owowow that _stings!_"

"Well, if you think that letting it get infected will hurt less…"

Lync squirmed on the counter he was forced to sit on, scowling as he tried to bat her insistent hand away. "But it _huuuuuurts_…can't you just kiss it better and put a Band-Aid on it?!" When she didn't answer, he kicked at her knee. "I'm talking to you!"

Alice winced as she stumbled back with the blow, snatching her hand back before the runt could bite her again. "Lync, please, just sit still and –"

"NEVAH!" He slid off the counter and darted away, too quickly for the older girl. "You'll never catch me alive!"

"All right then…" She'll just catch him later. Sighing, she rubbed the back of her hand over her eyes as she staggered away. A few minutes later and she was collapsing in front of her computer, dragging the mouse across the screen and tapping the keyboard until the chat site popped into view.

"AAAAA~LIIIIIIIICE~!"

The Russian squeaked in surprise when Julie's wide grin dominated the screen with no warning. "Oh… um, hi Julie."

"I found him~! I found Gus~!"

…

_Salvation at last?!_

"R-Really?!" Alice leaned forward, hands gripping the edge of her desk as Julie nodded proudly. "Where is he?!"

"He's riiiiiiiiiiiiight… here~!" With a grand flourish of her arms and a giggle, Julie stepped to the side to reveal the very boy Alice had been hoping to see for these last few days.

A boy who was currently blinking in dazed horror and squirming in the chair that he was secured to with a thick length of rope, whose hair was pulled up in a lacy elastic and pinned back with hot-pink barrettes that were encrusted with butterfly-shaped sequins. Such a sight distracted Alice from her goal. "Julie, what did –"

The other girl squealed, clapping her hands as she twisted her neck around to give Gus an approving look. "I got, like, SO bored waiting for you to come online, so I decided to give him a makeover to better suit his personality~!"

"She lies." Gus' voice was flat with the effort needed to comprehend the appalling situation he had found himself forced into. "She's… she's…"

"Totally hot~?"

"_Horrible_."

"Gus," Alice blurted before Julie could answer to this with indignation, "I need to ask you something about Lync!"

The boy stiffened, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "About… Lync?"

"Yes!" She took in a deep breath, releasing her hold on the desk to wring her hands together. "It's just… you see… how can you _spoil_ him like that?!"

He regarded with her confusion, forehead creasing in a frown. "What makes you think I spoil…?"

The words fell out of her mouth in a rush, desperate to explain themselves before he could answer. "He's been terrible, a true brat! He does whatever he wants with no consideration for me or my grandfather, and when I try to stop him he says that _you_ let him do whatever he wants! Don't you realize that young children like him need _rules _and_ guidance?_"

Gus closed his eyes for a moment, sighing. "I think you've greatly un–"

"ALICE!" Said girl froze at the whine at the door, not daring to move as Lync bounced up to her side to tug on her sleeve grumpily. "You need to make up for that horrible stingy stuff! Tell me where you keep all your noodles, I wanna boil 'em up and swim in spaghetti!"

"–derestimated Lync."

There was a moment of stillness; this was followed by Lync's mouth sagging open as he glanced towards the computer screen and paled. Gus' 'makeover' wasn't enough to divert him from that fact that his scheme had been unexpectedly foiled.

"… Guuuuuuuuus!" Lync's expression changed from open-mouthed shock to a pout as he pointed accusingly at the older girl. "You wouldn't believe how irresponsible Alice is! Doesn't she realize I could end up getting _hurt_ because of her _incompetence?!_"

Julie tittered in the background as Alice's face dawned with realization. Gus rolled his eyes. "Lync. I don't recall allowing you to take advantage of the ignorant, it's rather rude."

Lync's mouth thinned into a line, forehead scrunched as he struggled to worm his way out of this problem. "… _Mylene said I can!_"

* * *

**||Oh my oh me, that took me a dreadfully long time to write. Silly me. But lookie, I finally got it done~! Applaud me! It absolutely fails, but I think it's satisfactory.**

**Anyways. Critique, flames, I welcome them both. Particularly the former~.**


End file.
